A Different Blue by Amy Harmon

Review by Kimmi

Sheesus Christ!!! It has been a very long time since I've read a tear jerker of this magnitude! Holy Shit! I have teared up in books before, who hasn't? The last book I read and reviewed and claimed was a tear jerker, "Ruined" by S. Pratt, yeah it doesn't have shit on A Different Blue! Right Now! And I mean right now! I need to insert a warning! If you get to around 65-70% in this book and you have plans to put the book down, DO NOT PICK IT BACK UP IN PUBLIC!!!!!!!!

Don't do it man! Just don't! Either continue reading, or pick it back up in a private (preferably insulated, and or sound proof) room. Heed my warning! I'm am only saying this to save your dignity as a grown ass woman!

Blue Echohawk doesn't know a damn thing about herself. Not the day she was born, her name on her birth certificate, nothing.......Her mind is in a constant emotional chaotic state. However Blue isn't a delicate flower, as a matter of fact she is the villain or arch nemesis of delicate flower. Blue is defensive, manipulative, and well, she's pissed. She's pissed at all the bull shit cards life has dealt her, she has secured her reputation in the exact way she wants to be perceived, and the ice and iron walls around her true self and her heart are stronger and more secure than damn Fort Knox. See Blue has no idea where her mother is, she has only ever known her father, he is the only family she ever had. And even though her father was a drifter, and she never went to school, she was left on her own to learn everything she needed, and she learned it from  PBS, thank god for Sesame Street! Her father did give her the one thing that continues to feed her passion, that allows her to feel peace, woodwork, carving and creating something beautiful out of a gnarled, bark covered, and knotted mahogany tree stump. They shared this love, they shared a quiet bond that required few words and theirs was the strongest bond either of them had ever had. So when she loses her father, the man she always called Jimmy, she slips into a state of depression that is so devastating it leaves her with a hole from the hallow of her throat to the pit of her stomach, with nothing but darkness filling the void.

Blue

When we step inside Blue's mind for the first time she is starting her senior year at 19 years old, behind in school because of her life as a drifter. With her reputation exactly the way she wants it, she doesn't have to deal with bullshit cheerleaders, or really any cliques at all. She doesn't give a shit what ANY one thinks of her. So walking into her last class of her first day, late, she throws her attitude up like a weapon, with her snug and tight as hell jeans, low cut top as armor, and her mask a face with layers of eye make up. However her new history teacher Mr. Wilson refuses to look the other direction, ignoring her and there fore letting her attitude and tardiness slide by unnoticed. With Blue's defenses on high alert she keeps the smart ass act going, poking fun and trying to contradict Mr. Wilson every chance she gets.

Wilson

This book was way out of my norm, way out, lmao. Y'all know of my inner smut whore and how I usually try to appease her, however I let my instincts guide me, I judged this book by its cover, it called to me. I saw Blue on the cover and I wanted, no, I needed to hear her story. Her story is so much more than her own identity crisis, so much more than a teenage girl with a shitty life and a shitty attitude. Blue's story runs so much deeper than a lost soul trying to find its way. Her story has so many questions, how, why? Mostly how is she still so damn strong, when there is no reason left for her to be standing, much less still fighting.

“I can't keep up, Blue.” Wilson said softly. “I'm always reeling with you. Just when I think I know all there is to know, you reveal something that absolutely guts me. I don't know how you've survived, Echohawk. I really don't. The fact that you're still making jokes and wishing on streetlights is a bit of a miracle.”

“Remember that time in class when I asked you why you were so angry?” I remembered.

“I thought I had you all figured out, thought you needed to be brought down a peg. And then I found out why you were having such a struggle with writing your personal history.

While you continue to fall into Blue's story, feeling every jab verbally thrown at her as she hears "whore" and "skank" whispered behind hands. You feel every blow, blow by blow, to her self esteem that she receives from her peers, her teachers. The biting stab of pain when the only few people she seeks approval from, glare at her in disgust. Amy Harmon drags your ass through the muddy, gnarled tree infested, painful life story that belongs to Blue. Amy Harmon pulls no punches, she splits your soul in two,  just as Blue's soul has been split. And the only thing you can do, because you are so invested in Blue, is ride this wicked bitch out, and pray, pray that Blue finds the puzzle pieces she needs, that she finds the happiness, or at the very least, peace, for once in her life. I am going to end this review with a quote from the Blue's story, keep in mind that once I reached this point,  I had been snotty nosed, with hot fat tears soaking my pillow, and red swollen bloodshot eyes from crying for and hour and a half when I got to this quote, it tore though me so fucking deep I moaned, I fucking cried out! Sobbed so hard my ribs and stomach hurt from it.

"The scars on the wood were like the marks on my skin, and I found myself continually tracing them, as if removing them would signify a willingness to forget. I ended up enlarging them, so the lines and divets became mawing canyons and shadowy recesses and the gracefully stretching branches became twisted and tortured, like the clenched fists of empty hands."

Amy Harmon, girl! You freaking rocked my world, you shattered my heart after ripping it from my chest, and left me with a swollen red face with bloodshot and baggy lidded eyes today Mami! You also gave me a story that I will never forget, and one that will stay with me forever, so I say: effin hats off girl, and THANK YOU!

I give A Different Blue 5 Little Blackbird Blue Kimmi stars *****